There was a little girl who had few friends as a child and even fewer as she grew up.
She didn't know why.
All the children avoided her.
But every child knew exactly why they avoided her.
She didn't share her toys. And she hit the other children.
But there was more.
She would bring big brother with her when she went to the other kids house. He would hide then come in when the other kid wasn't looking.
He would hit and kick the child while she would stand and watch.
It didn't matter how they screamed or cried. She just watched. Sometimes she even left and went home while her brother continued kicking and punching.
Now she was grown.
She still went to their house. She still wanted to play the childish games of youth.
And she still brought her brother with her.
Most - realising this - continued to avoid her.
But she was so persistant.
Day in and out.
Beating at the gate. Sometimes climbing the fence.
Or just peering through.
Sometimes they let her in because she looked so sad and pittiful. Other times because they hoped she'd changed.
But they soon found out. Her brother still hid then came in later. She still hit and kicked. And then her brother would start.
As a result, most still avoided her. But some now began to fight back. To call her the bully and cruel beastly coward she was.
To tell her that no friend treated their friends that way.
They told her, they'd grown up. And that if she ever wanted to come over again she had to CHANGE.
That's when she screamed that they had to forgive her.
And their eyes went white when she said that she'd already forgiven them.
She said they couldn't hold her brother responsible. He had problems. They needed to understand. And forgive.
Most refused and turned cold.
Her circle of friends continued to dwindle.
Yet she continued to come back. Beating at the gate. Loudly.
Sometimes she pretended nothing had ever happened. Another day, she tried pity, guilt, tears.
And as before. When they wouldn't let her in, she occasionally jumped the fence and had to be thrown out.
That's when she made a scene. Calling the others cruel. Sometimes her brother was there as well to hurl insults and accusations.
In the end - she only had two friends left. One no longer human. Clearly a broken horse that no longer resisted the abuse and beatings. He stood lifeless and senseless.
Then there was her brother.
Oh. Yes. You probably guessed. He WAS mentally sick. And Yes. He also beat her.
And that is how this old woman died. Alone with no friends. Even her family had long since tired of her abuse.
She had no one except for the man who beat her and the broken one she beat.
And with her dying breath she bleated: But, they have to forgive me. She repeated this again and again.
As if the repetition would make it come true. But what she never in her life faced was that forgiveness is not just a one way street.
To be truly be forgiven --in heaven and on earth-- as they teach in the 12 step programs, one must admit errors, stop doing that which is wrong and make amends where possible.
But the true and sad tragedy is that this foolish old woman dies never taking responsibility, never doing what is right, never facing the truth of life and most of all - never living.
As she breathes her last, her dying thoughts torment her with guilt and self-pity.
She didn't know why.
All the children avoided her.
But every child knew exactly why they avoided her.
She didn't share her toys. And she hit the other children.
But there was more.
She would bring big brother with her when she went to the other kids house. He would hide then come in when the other kid wasn't looking.
He would hit and kick the child while she would stand and watch.
It didn't matter how they screamed or cried. She just watched. Sometimes she even left and went home while her brother continued kicking and punching.
Now she was grown.
She still went to their house. She still wanted to play the childish games of youth.
And she still brought her brother with her.
Most - realising this - continued to avoid her.
But she was so persistant.
Day in and out.
Beating at the gate. Sometimes climbing the fence.
Or just peering through.
Sometimes they let her in because she looked so sad and pittiful. Other times because they hoped she'd changed.
But they soon found out. Her brother still hid then came in later. She still hit and kicked. And then her brother would start.
As a result, most still avoided her. But some now began to fight back. To call her the bully and cruel beastly coward she was.
To tell her that no friend treated their friends that way.
They told her, they'd grown up. And that if she ever wanted to come over again she had to CHANGE.
That's when she screamed that they had to forgive her.
And their eyes went white when she said that she'd already forgiven them.
She said they couldn't hold her brother responsible. He had problems. They needed to understand. And forgive.
Most refused and turned cold.
Her circle of friends continued to dwindle.
Yet she continued to come back. Beating at the gate. Loudly.
Sometimes she pretended nothing had ever happened. Another day, she tried pity, guilt, tears.
And as before. When they wouldn't let her in, she occasionally jumped the fence and had to be thrown out.
That's when she made a scene. Calling the others cruel. Sometimes her brother was there as well to hurl insults and accusations.
In the end - she only had two friends left. One no longer human. Clearly a broken horse that no longer resisted the abuse and beatings. He stood lifeless and senseless.
Then there was her brother.
Oh. Yes. You probably guessed. He WAS mentally sick. And Yes. He also beat her.
And that is how this old woman died. Alone with no friends. Even her family had long since tired of her abuse.
She had no one except for the man who beat her and the broken one she beat.
And with her dying breath she bleated: But, they have to forgive me. She repeated this again and again.
As if the repetition would make it come true. But what she never in her life faced was that forgiveness is not just a one way street.
To be truly be forgiven --in heaven and on earth-- as they teach in the 12 step programs, one must admit errors, stop doing that which is wrong and make amends where possible.
But the true and sad tragedy is that this foolish old woman dies never taking responsibility, never doing what is right, never facing the truth of life and most of all - never living.
As she breathes her last, her dying thoughts torment her with guilt and self-pity.
