How Many Times Have You Received An Email Like This?

I buy things over the internet. Lots of us do. Natural - right?

And sometimes we also no longer want something or we realise we're paying for something we're no longer using. Our needs change or whatever. So we cancel. And that's when we get emails like the following.

I hate them. Do you?


Email From A Corporate Giant Responding To My Cancellation Request.
I've deleted personal info to protect the privacy of the guilty and myself. 

From: "tickets@.com"
To: @yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, 18 February 2011 22:56:58
Subject: Update to Ticket ID: LGB-14745726

Hello ,

Thank you for contacting .com with your request. I noticed that you have been a valued member of the .com family for several months now and wanted to see if there were any outstanding issues on your account that I may be able to assist you with. Would you mind elaborating on exactly what problems you were experiencing on the account? I would be more than happy to assist you in any way that I can to fix any unresolved issues.

Please give me a call back at 866-XXX-2867, extension 1012 at your convenience (when the phone greeting comes on, just input "1012" and it'll transfer you right away). Or you can reply to this email.

I look forward to your reply and assisting you further with your account.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,

Steven G..com LLC
http://support..com/
Available 24 hours a day at 1-866-XX-XXXXX


I'm sure i'm not the only one who's ever gotten an email like that. How did you feel?
Well, I can tell you how i felt. Because...

Here's the letter I WANTED TO SEND and the letter I WISH EVERY CORPORATE MANAGER WERE FORCED TO READ.

"Hello Steven G.,

I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.

Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.

Is that correct?

Or do i have it wrong?
If so, I am really disappointed.

Yes. I know you're just doing your job trying to keep a customer, but by putting this extra step between me and cancellation, you are effectively trying to block my way as i attempt to leave the building.

And that is insulting. Your managers who put you up to this should realise there is segment of the population that highly resents that. And I am among them.

Because --- by trying to frustrate and delay my leaving, you are actually achieving the very opposite of what your managers intended.

You see, i  already shared my (embarrassing) reason with some some sort of customer response thingee yesterday. Apparently you didn't receive that. And in that I gave xxxxx a glowing recommendation. And Yesterday HAD EVERY INTENTION OF LATER RETURNING.

But now...

Your email is single-handedly making me determined to never do business with you again and to share with every body I know just how hard it is to leave xxxxxx....

You see --- Your corporate wizards mistake is in NOT offering me the express cancellation ALONG with the option to talk to someone about my issue. Offer choices. Customers love choice.

In their infinite wisdom they've decided that most people can be, bullied and intimidated into staying put ---either through the unpleasantness of having to make that phone call and explain themselves like 5 year old child or because the company really can diagnose the issue, solve the problem and save the day.

But they forget that there is a sizable portion of the population that is roundly insulted and incensed by such treatment. And it has the very opposite effect to the intended one.

And since you all seem to need the simplest things repeated again and again, let me spell it out once again for your hard-headed moronically ignorant managers:

By placing the talk-it-out session between me and canceling you have effectively stood in my way as i try to get off the ride. You are trying to get me to pony up and stay on the ride indefinitely.


I resent that. And it will be front and center next time i want to do business with a company like yours... I will remember this little bit of unpleasantness and patronisation and will roundly avoid you."

End of email I WANTED TO SEND*******

BUT i know it is human nature.

Actually the managers have made a very astute decision. They know that such tactics actually WORK and work very well on large segments of the population. They have ----from a profit standpoint---- wisely calculated that pissing people like me off doesn't really matter. There are enough sheep to keep their pockets full of green.

Imagine if someone did that to you in public place...

Stopped you and asked you why you were leaving, then told you that you'd have to go explain yourself to so and so.....before you would be allowed to leave.

What would you do?

Yep. You'd probably try to humor them and be diplomatic in the beginning. But then imagine this happened in every shop. Almost Every time.
In the beginning you might say something like : "Hey pal, it was a blast, but I've had enough."

But eventually, your patience may just run out.

And the next time, you might just push the guy out of the way. And if he still persisted, you might call for help or bust him in the chops.

Knowing that : Here's the email I DID send:

"Hello Steven G.,

I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.

Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.

Is that correct?

Me"

End of Real Email *********

And if I don't receive the appropriate confirmation of cancellation within a half day, I will stop payment at the funding source.

The Next Wave in PCs is Here

I've been talking with my partner about this for some time - discussing what pcs, laptops or whatever you want to call them will look like in the years to come.

Well --- sometimes the future hits your right between the eyes sooner than you thought --- it's here. Albeit in a VERY primitive form.

First the link:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703373404576148190633168766.html?mod=WSJASIA_hpp_MIDDLEFourthNews

Here's the story in a nutshell: Motorola has come up with a smart phone slash pc. It's a pc or rather the brains of a pc in a handheld phone.

So how do you use it? 

You can use it as a stand alone or plug it into what's called a dock. That is a brainless pc. A pc without any of the stuff that usually makes it a pc. It's just a keyboard with a screen. It has no CPU. No memory... Zilch.

But - plug in the smart phone/pc and the thing comes alive.

Here's the catch. As is always true with any new technology, it is primitive and clumsy at first. Remember the first calculators? The first modems, browsers or search engines?

Translation: It can do some things, but not all that a regular laptop or pc could do. And what is does do, it doesn't do as well, as fast or as efficiently as the real deal.

BUT and this is the big but. It points to the shape of things to come. You see, as memory and processing capacity continue to grow by leaps and bounds, my partner and i have discussed many times that eventually,  everything would likely devolve into the phone.

Your TV, computer, music station, phone, internet etc. etc... would all eventually be scrunched into the size of a phone. Problem is : While we humans find those size gadgets handy to carry around, we don't feel the same way when it come to using them. Such mundane things such as typing become a real bitch on something that small. Especially when you have elephant fingers like me. 

So - imagine this scene. In a few short years, everybody carries her own pc/phone all-in-one work/play/communication device in her pocket or purse. She arrives at the office. The pc on her desk is a dummy. A box without a brain like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. She sits down docks her pc, and off to work she goes...

Or she finds herself in an airport. No pcs. Just dummies to dock into... You get the picture.
And on the run - she has the same functionality, albeit on that annoyingly small screen.

BUT what comes next?

What happens when everybody tires of those damn brainless boxes that either have to be carried around (just like laptops today), or the idiot boxes on their desks.

What happens when people get used to having the world at their fingertips and now want that same desktop experience without the box?

That's when something really interesting could be in store: Ever seen a hologram? You know - one of those things at the museum. It's just a projection - in thin air. You see an image, and as you move, the image seems to move or change too.

Hmmmmm.... What if something like that could be perfected to create that all-elusive keyboard and monitor for your smart pc/phone?

Imagine it: You hit a button or activate a voice command for Hologram, or whatever trade name it's called by. It deploys. You see a purple (that's what i imagine anyway..) mini-genie-like apparition. It's a keyboard that can be displayed on any flat surface in front of you and a screen that projects into the air in front of you.

But here's the best part:

With such a technology, by adjusting the angles from which it is visible, you can make the keyboard ---and hence every keystroke--- 100% private. Only you could see it because it would be uniquely adjusted for the angle of your eyes only. Same with the monitor.

You could be in the middle of the most crowded airport, office, maglev train or hotel --- and with the appropriate encryption--- having an absolutely private session.

Ready to leave? Turn off hologram and put it away or continue in hand held mode...