I buy things over the internet. Lots of us do. Natural - right?
And sometimes we also no longer want something or we realise we're paying for something we're no longer using. Our needs change or whatever. So we cancel. And that's when we get emails like the following.
I hate them. Do you?
Email From A Corporate Giant Responding To My Cancellation Request.
I've deleted personal info to protect the privacy of the guilty and myself.
From: "tickets@.com"
To: @yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, 18 February 2011 22:56:58
Subject: Update to Ticket ID: LGB-14745726
Hello ,
Thank you for contacting .com with your request. I noticed that you have been a valued member of the .com family for several months now and wanted to see if there were any outstanding issues on your account that I may be able to assist you with. Would you mind elaborating on exactly what problems you were experiencing on the account? I would be more than happy to assist you in any way that I can to fix any unresolved issues.
Please give me a call back at 866-XXX-2867, extension 1012 at your convenience (when the phone greeting comes on, just input "1012" and it'll transfer you right away). Or you can reply to this email.
I look forward to your reply and assisting you further with your account.
Have a great day!
Sincerely,
Steven G..com LLC
http://support..com/
Available 24 hours a day at 1-866-XX-XXXXX
I'm sure i'm not the only one who's ever gotten an email like that. How did you feel?
Well, I can tell you how i felt. Because...
Here's the letter I WANTED TO SEND and the letter I WISH EVERY CORPORATE MANAGER WERE FORCED TO READ.
"Hello Steven G.,
I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.
Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.
Is that correct?
Or do i have it wrong?
If so, I am really disappointed.
Yes. I know you're just doing your job trying to keep a customer, but by putting this extra step between me and cancellation, you are effectively trying to block my way as i attempt to leave the building.
And that is insulting. Your managers who put you up to this should realise there is segment of the population that highly resents that. And I am among them.
Because --- by trying to frustrate and delay my leaving, you are actually achieving the very opposite of what your managers intended.
You see, i already shared my (embarrassing) reason with some some sort of customer response thingee yesterday. Apparently you didn't receive that. And in that I gave xxxxx a glowing recommendation. And Yesterday HAD EVERY INTENTION OF LATER RETURNING.
But now...
Your email is single-handedly making me determined to never do business with you again and to share with every body I know just how hard it is to leave xxxxxx....
You see --- Your corporate wizards mistake is in NOT offering me the express cancellation ALONG with the option to talk to someone about my issue. Offer choices. Customers love choice.
In their infinite wisdom they've decided that most people can be, bullied and intimidated into staying put ---either through the unpleasantness of having to make that phone call and explain themselves like 5 year old child or because the company really can diagnose the issue, solve the problem and save the day.
But they forget that there is a sizable portion of the population that is roundly insulted and incensed by such treatment. And it has the very opposite effect to the intended one.
And since you all seem to need the simplest things repeated again and again, let me spell it out once again for your hard-headed moronically ignorant managers:
By placing the talk-it-out session between me and canceling you have effectively stood in my way as i try to get off the ride. You are trying to get me to pony up and stay on the ride indefinitely.
I resent that. And it will be front and center next time i want to do business with a company like yours... I will remember this little bit of unpleasantness and patronisation and will roundly avoid you."
End of email I WANTED TO SEND*******
BUT i know it is human nature.
Actually the managers have made a very astute decision. They know that such tactics actually WORK and work very well on large segments of the population. They have ----from a profit standpoint---- wisely calculated that pissing people like me off doesn't really matter. There are enough sheep to keep their pockets full of green.
Imagine if someone did that to you in public place...
Stopped you and asked you why you were leaving, then told you that you'd have to go explain yourself to so and so.....before you would be allowed to leave.
What would you do?
Yep. You'd probably try to humor them and be diplomatic in the beginning. But then imagine this happened in every shop. Almost Every time.
In the beginning you might say something like : "Hey pal, it was a blast, but I've had enough."
But eventually, your patience may just run out.
And the next time, you might just push the guy out of the way. And if he still persisted, you might call for help or bust him in the chops.
Knowing that : Here's the email I DID send:
"Hello Steven G.,
I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.
Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.
Is that correct?
Me"
End of Real Email *********
And if I don't receive the appropriate confirmation of cancellation within a half day, I will stop payment at the funding source.
And sometimes we also no longer want something or we realise we're paying for something we're no longer using. Our needs change or whatever. So we cancel. And that's when we get emails like the following.
I hate them. Do you?
Email From A Corporate Giant Responding To My Cancellation Request.
I've deleted personal info to protect the privacy of the guilty and myself.
From: "tickets@.com"
To: @yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, 18 February 2011 22:56:58
Subject: Update to Ticket ID: LGB-14745726
Hello ,
Thank you for contacting .com with your request. I noticed that you have been a valued member of the .com family for several months now and wanted to see if there were any outstanding issues on your account that I may be able to assist you with. Would you mind elaborating on exactly what problems you were experiencing on the account? I would be more than happy to assist you in any way that I can to fix any unresolved issues.
Please give me a call back at 866-XXX-2867, extension 1012 at your convenience (when the phone greeting comes on, just input "1012" and it'll transfer you right away). Or you can reply to this email.
I look forward to your reply and assisting you further with your account.
Have a great day!
Sincerely,
Steven G..com LLC
http://support..com/
Available 24 hours a day at 1-866-XX-XXXXX
I'm sure i'm not the only one who's ever gotten an email like that. How did you feel?
Well, I can tell you how i felt. Because...
Here's the letter I WANTED TO SEND and the letter I WISH EVERY CORPORATE MANAGER WERE FORCED TO READ.
"Hello Steven G.,
I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.
Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.
Is that correct?
Or do i have it wrong?
If so, I am really disappointed.
Yes. I know you're just doing your job trying to keep a customer, but by putting this extra step between me and cancellation, you are effectively trying to block my way as i attempt to leave the building.
And that is insulting. Your managers who put you up to this should realise there is segment of the population that highly resents that. And I am among them.
Because --- by trying to frustrate and delay my leaving, you are actually achieving the very opposite of what your managers intended.
You see, i already shared my (embarrassing) reason with some some sort of customer response thingee yesterday. Apparently you didn't receive that. And in that I gave xxxxx a glowing recommendation. And Yesterday HAD EVERY INTENTION OF LATER RETURNING.
But now...
Your email is single-handedly making me determined to never do business with you again and to share with every body I know just how hard it is to leave xxxxxx....
You see --- Your corporate wizards mistake is in NOT offering me the express cancellation ALONG with the option to talk to someone about my issue. Offer choices. Customers love choice.
In their infinite wisdom they've decided that most people can be, bullied and intimidated into staying put ---either through the unpleasantness of having to make that phone call and explain themselves like 5 year old child or because the company really can diagnose the issue, solve the problem and save the day.
But they forget that there is a sizable portion of the population that is roundly insulted and incensed by such treatment. And it has the very opposite effect to the intended one.
And since you all seem to need the simplest things repeated again and again, let me spell it out once again for your hard-headed moronically ignorant managers:
By placing the talk-it-out session between me and canceling you have effectively stood in my way as i try to get off the ride. You are trying to get me to pony up and stay on the ride indefinitely.
I resent that. And it will be front and center next time i want to do business with a company like yours... I will remember this little bit of unpleasantness and patronisation and will roundly avoid you."
End of email I WANTED TO SEND*******
BUT i know it is human nature.
Actually the managers have made a very astute decision. They know that such tactics actually WORK and work very well on large segments of the population. They have ----from a profit standpoint---- wisely calculated that pissing people like me off doesn't really matter. There are enough sheep to keep their pockets full of green.
Imagine if someone did that to you in public place...
Stopped you and asked you why you were leaving, then told you that you'd have to go explain yourself to so and so.....before you would be allowed to leave.
What would you do?
Yep. You'd probably try to humor them and be diplomatic in the beginning. But then imagine this happened in every shop. Almost Every time.
In the beginning you might say something like : "Hey pal, it was a blast, but I've had enough."
But eventually, your patience may just run out.
And the next time, you might just push the guy out of the way. And if he still persisted, you might call for help or bust him in the chops.
Knowing that : Here's the email I DID send:
"Hello Steven G.,
I really am not sure how to respond to this email as i was expecting a confirmation of cancellation.
Because - while your emails sounds friendly and helpful, i get the feeling you're refusing to process my cancellation until i call you and explain my 'reason'.
Is that correct?
Me"
End of Real Email *********
And if I don't receive the appropriate confirmation of cancellation within a half day, I will stop payment at the funding source.
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